Chapter 5

There’s another typical Steven story that usually gets lashed around whenever we have company, or are in general need of a laugh. This one, and there are many derivatives of it, involves Steven in his apartment, doing whatever it is he does when he’s locked away behind closed doors and out of the public eye, and his land lady and her daughter are banging away at his door screaming for the rent, threatening him with eviction and whatever else they can come up with in the usual end of month game that goes on here. These actions and threats are of course decoded as "I want to sleep with you" in the mind that is Steven. On the occasion that the daughter is rapping at the door, asking for their dues, it does of course translate as "is it okay if I go after mum?" It is for this very reason that we, and anyone else, have to take great care and caution as to what is said and done around him. The warped mind of his, due I’m sure to some terrible trauma he suffered as a kid that I’m equally sure that he has no idea was even a trauma, will turn anything said or done into whatever it is he wants, usually some sort of great affection for him. Perhaps it is easier to not worry about it at all as I’m quite certain that there is nothing that can be said or done that will not come out as he sees the world. So why bother? These were just a few of the thoughts that drifted through my uncluttered mind as the days news spewed out from my rather impressive television screen. Apparently someone has died doing something. The news is getting more and more general and vague these days as the world quickly becomes one. Apparently McDonalds being on every corner of every street in every country is the road map for a better future. I stopped eating McDonalds a while ago. I’ll show them. I’ll single handedly put a stop to their global reign of terror. I once ate 36 Big Mac Meals in 30 days. I was working at a supermarket and refused to eat the subsidized food they dished out at lunch. Mainly because I didn’t want to associate with the other supermarket workers. Inside their cafeteria I was just another supermarket worker, outside I was just a guy who liked Big Macs. Interestingly I didn’t put on any weight during that binge. Probably because I was working and actually doing something as apposed to the many who sit on their bums all day eating fast food crap and are surprised when they suddenly find themselves resembling fat, pregnant pigs and then have the audacity to sue the fast food chains for "making" them fat. They shouldn’t get a cent. They don’t pay me every time I have to witness them stuff a dozen burgers, fries and a milkshake down their throats and then guiltily watch the guy with the bucket and mop clean up my vomit. Fair is fair.