Chapter 9

While I admit I love to watch people, not in a vicarious living kind of way, but more in an amusing sort of way - people are very entertaining when they think they aren't being watched. The one down side to this hobby, or activity, is that it leaves you blind sided to the sneak attack of your friends, who you seem to have forgotten you're meeting. Why else would I have come here? Guess I got lost in the babies cries. Also in that girl crossing the street over there. She looks vaguely familiar, but I can't seem to place her. Oh that's right, she's the girl from the local papers. Every city seems to have one of these girls, you tend to find them in the social pages of your weekend papers, draped in cheap cloths in catalogues for shops you wouldn't go to, and invariably them being pasted everywhere seems to make some clueless person think they're a someone and the girl usually ends ups penning a coulomb in a magazine she believes everyone reads - but really no one does. It's always a mystery how they ended up plastered all over the place, almost invading your pages, considering they are, after all the airbrushing and photo shopping, very average looking. You'd also think since the people behind the scenes are going to air brush, and fix up so much, they'd at least try and hide the back fat and saddle bags around her waist, but no that's left there. Maybe they think back fat is hot. Maybe its a trend they're trying to bring in. Maybe its a new thing they're trying to start. God I hope not. Look at her, across the road, waiting for the traffic to pass, or slow, so she can cross over, looking at each and every person that passes her, and even those no where near her, waiting for someone to recognize her, for someone to say "hey, wow its really you, I love you!" Waiting, expecting lustful looks from the guys easing past. Practising her embarrassed "yes it's me" look as she looks down and bites her lip. But no one even breaks their stride, no one even notices, and no one even cares. That's what you get when you're over exposed, over hyped, and a no one that thinks they're someone. Oh god, she's coming in here. Well I'm not going to even give her the satisfaction of looking at her. Somewhat ironic though that the one person who does actually recognise her, me, is someone who cant stand her, and all that she stands for. And that's when I noticed my friends, and Steven, heading towards my table.

"I need to go to the bathroom. Alone" I announced before anyone could even say hi.

A bit rude I guess, but they're my friends, so you know, they don't count. Also sitting watching the passers by, the babies cry, hey that kind of rhymed, and drinking all the free water they'd allow me before actually ordering something, a coke, no ice, your bladder does eventually reach a point of no return. That point just happened to coincide with the arrival of the guys.

Walking back to the table, after doing my stuff, I couldn't help notice that they table was now full of food. Strange considering it took an age for each glass of water to arrive at my table, yet in the time it took me to pee they had managed to rustle up an assortment of different meals. I guess when you're paying,the staff are more responsive. Fair enough.

"So what are you guys mumbling about?" I asked as I took my seat

"We were just trying to establish whether or not you're the type of guy who washed his hands after he takes a leak. My guess was not." Answered a confident Guy.

"I said you do. In fact that's the most predictable thing about you. You wash your hands way to much." Said Murphy.

Obviously he was right, being my brother and growing up with me, and knowing how ridiculously clean I am. I say ridiculously because that's what everyone else says. I don't think it is. I mean I have to wash my hands if I go anywhere near a bathroom, never mind actually stepping in one. People are generally pigs, and lazy,so I know just how filthy they can be, and I'll wash my hands if I even come anywhere near something they've been in contact with. God I'd never use one of those public toilets you find in parks and the like, you know the type George Michael uses for "recreational activities." Not a chance. I use restaurant toilets only when I absolutely have to, like today, and that's just to pee, and usually involves me standing a foot away and taking careful aim. No part of me ever comes into contact with the actual toilet. And even then I still feel tainted, filthy, covered in little tiny specs of unclean molecules. When I go home I'll probably boil my hands, and then my entire body in the shower. That's something to look forward to - being clean. But first I have to deal with these clowns.

"Hey, that girl sitting there, alone, isn't that..." Steven started saying, with to much eagerness and excitement.

"Don't give her any attention you idiot." I managed to cut him off just before he wet himself.

Guy and Murphy pulled a couple of classic moves to see who got Steven all worked up, and who drew my derision. You know the type of moves, the pretend, over exaggerated yawn, hands stretched out, mouth gaping wide, head tilted to catch a glimpse of who everyone is talking about.

"Oh it's that chick. Shame it must be killing her that no one cares who she is." Said Guy with a smirk curled up on his lips.

"Look at her beady eyes darting everywhere, as she sips her drink, wondering why no one has come up to tell her how much they adore her." Chimed in Murphy

"I bet they've noticed the folds of skin hugging every inch of her top." Snickered Guy

It's sometimes fun having friends who judge everyone. So long as they agree with what you think.

"I think she's hot."

And that was Steven. The voice of delusion.

"You're joking? Her?" That could have been any one of Guy, Murphy, or myself. We all thought it and probably said it at the same time.

"Yeah her! She's been on TV."

"So you think anyone who has been on TV is hot?"

"Yup. Anyone who has ever been on TV becomes hot."

And this was obviously Steven's deciding point of whether anyone was hot or not. Clearly the guy had very low expectations.

"What about the ugly girl they always get to play the hot girls friend in movies?"

"If she's been on TV she's hot."

It's amazing that some people actually think this way. I mean this girl is clearly not attractive, and the way she's acting makes it seem like she's an attention craving whore. But because she's been on TV or on print some people will create a special category for her, one that actually makes her hot to them. Yet if this girl was not everywhere, if she just happened to be your dental hygienist, well then you really wouldn't care about her at all. That really doesn't seem to make any sense. Does it?